


What are we?

by CrileyBeckton



Category: Smosh
Genre: F/F, F/M, Love, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrileyBeckton/pseuds/CrileyBeckton
Summary: Written by me in one of the weirdest moments in my life. Every Smosh member is in love with some other member and it is all a mess because not everyone has the same preferences. Confessions and confrontations. Love and lust. All that stuff. Might be a little too long cause once I started writing I don't stop until I drop (literally). You might feel that I am not giving proper conclusions to the relationships, but I just wrote this as realistically as possible because none of these Smosh members are together and I was frustrated about my crush not liking me and wrote this crap. I think quarantine made me crazy and I saw Smosh again and again and thought everyone had chemistry with someone and got them together. I really wanted to destroy all major ships and annoy people by this. But when I gained my sanity, I wrote in some jokes and Keith and Jackie, Olivia and Sam, and Damien and Kimmy so y'all don't hate me.
Relationships: Courtney Miller/Olivia Sui, Courtney Miller/Shayne Topp, Damien Haas & Kimmy Jimenez, Damien Haas/Shayne Topp, Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla, Noah Grossman/Keith Leak Jr., Sam Lerner/Olivia Sui
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Interior  
Smosh House

Interior   
TV Room

Courtney - Shayne!  
Shayne - Courtney!  
Courtney - Dude, it has been so long! I haven't seen you since May!  
Shayne - Yeah, The Goldbergs' schedule is really tiring. So, what have you been up to?  
Courtney - It's been a rough couple of months. Ever since I-  
(Courtney pauses and looks at Olivia, Olivia is laughing at Damien's joke)  
Shayne - Oh  
Courtney - Yeah  
Shayne - You're still in love with Oliv-  
Courtney - Shh sh sh, hush Shayne! She'll hear us  
Shayne - Let's not talk about that. You know I met this really cool dude on set, his name is Sam Lerner, and he is so funny and smart. I have invited him to our party today. I was thinking I should set him up with Damien.  
Courtney - Damien? He's gay?  
Shayne - No, he's bi. A while ago, he told me that and then tried to kiss me and-  
Courtney - Hold up, what? He tried to kiss you?  
Shayne - Yeah, apparently, he's liked since we were roommates, but couldn't say anything. I told him I am not into guys, so it became like a whole thing, but we're good friends again  
Courtney - Well, he never told anyone about this. I have been struggling with my sexuality too  
Shayne - Are you a lesbian? I called it!  
Courtney - No, but I am not straight. I kind of like girls too.  
Shayne - Do you like anyone specific now?  
Courtney - (trying not to tear up, looking at Olivia) Still her  
Shayne - Court, I feel for you  
(Shayne holds Courtney's hand, then hugs her)

Interior  
Living Room

Damien - (Sees Shayne and Courtney, and sighs) Things just keep getting worse and worse  
Olivia - What happened?  
Damien - Liv, imagine if you tell someone you love them after 6 years of friendship, they say that they are not into you, and now you aren't even friends. (Looks at Shayne) I have lost everything, Olivia.  
Olivia - (Looks over at Courtney) You love Courtney?  
Damien - No  
Olivia - Shayne?  
Damien - Yeah. I know I have never told anyone this, but I am bi. I have been feeling this for quite sometime now, I like both,en and women.  
Olivia - (Smiling) I am proud of you Dame.  
Damien - (Looks over at Court and Shayne, wipes tears) (Slightly laughing) So, are we the only single people here now?  
Olivia - Probably. But I think there is some spark between Keith and Noa-  
Keith - (walks in) No there isn't. He does not love me, I do not like him. End of story.


	2. Chapter 2

Interior  
Smosh Kitchen

Keith - So Noah, how have you been?  
Noah - I am fine, why?  
Keith - Did you have time to think about our conversation from earlier   
Noah - Look Keith-  
Keith - Enough said! (Tries to walk away)  
(Noah grabs Keith's hand)  
Noah - Keith, you deserve an explanation! I love you, but not in that way. And where is all this even coming from, I have never expressed any romantic interest in you. Sure, our fans ship us constantly, but I thought we both agreed we don't like each other like that. And I already have a girlfriend. I love her a lot and, she is my soulmate. And I still don't really like you that way Keith. And you saying you love me, that shocked me, I am shaken go my CORE. I don't love you, please stop it. You aren't even gay!  
Keith - (Keith slaps Noah) You have no right to claim what I am. It is none of your business. You could've just told me you didn't like me. Still, you had to be a jackass and explain your 'dilemma'. I hate you Noah.   
(Keith walks away)


	3. Chapter 3

Interior  
Kitchen

(Keith is pouring himself a drink)  
Noah - Hey Keith!  
Keith - (startled) Oh Hey- (looks at Tiffany) Who is this?  
Noah - My girlfriend, Tiffany.  
Keith - Ok, yeah, I see what you are doing. (Walks away and drink his glass of martini in one gulp)  
Tiffany - Was that Keith, your BESTIE?  
Noah - Yeah, he is just in a mood today. (Looks at Keith sadly) (whispers) I am sorry.

Interior   
TV Room 

(Shayne walks up to Damien, who he hasn't talked to in a while)  
Shayne - What's up dude? It's been a while.  
Damien - Yeah. Um, look Shayne, I don't wanna make this any more awkward than it has to be. I loved you, emphasis on the past tense. I am over you now, and you moving on with Courtney, that is totally fine.  
Shayne - (nervously and sweating) Courtney? What, soooooooo (starts laughing nervously) She, I, no, no dude, no I-  
Damien - Oh come on man, you have liked her since day 1. Just go and tell her. I am pretty sure she likes you too!  
Shayne - She doesn't. But I like her. Maybe sometime later. (Shayne walks towards the kitchen, but turns to Damien and says) We're good, right?   
Damien - (sighs and says sarcastically) Yeah (smiles)  
(Shayne smiles back and walks away)


	4. Chapter 4

Interior  
Shayne's Bedroom

(Olivia wants to pee and is waiting at the bathroom)  
(Olivia bumps into Sam, who is coming out of the bathroom)  
(Sam looks at Olivia and instantly falls in love)  
Sam - Oh hey, sorry it took me a while to-  
Olivia - Yeah, whatever, move!  
(Sam moves and waits for Olivia to get put of the washroom)   
(He waits and waits. She doesn't come out until 15 minutes later cause she was pooping) (Shayne comes in drink in his hand)  
Shayne - Oh hey Sam I was looking for you everywhere-  
Sam - Shush (looks at the bathroom)  
Shayne - Um, what are you doing?  
Sam - Dude, I met the most beautiful girl in the world, she is in the bathroom right now. I am waiting outside to ask her out.  
Shayne - Ok weirdo, who is it? (Shayne sips drink)  
Sam - I don't know, lucious black hair, gorgeous brown eyes and-  
Shayne - (spits out drink) ASIAN?  
(Shayne falls on the floor, laughing)  
Olivia? Hahahahahhahahahah  
Sam - (panicking and voice getting higher) What, what is so funny about that? Is she not single, is she married? I didn't see a ring!  
Shayne - No, no, no, she is SINGLE. I was laughing because I have never seen someone who describes Olivia like you do and if you date, man, she is like the group weirdo. We all love her, but she has never been able to keep relationships.  
Sam - Did she, um, cheat on her boyfriends?  
Shayne - (looks at Sam who is sad) No dude, she is just quirky and dark humoured. But if you want to be with her, I can set you two up.  
Sam - Really? Thank you Shayne! (Sam gives Shayne a tight hug) I love you dude!   
Shayne - Easy there cowboy.

(Damien sees Sam and Shayne hugging and goes in the kitchen to cry)

(Olivia comes out of the bathroom)  
Olivia - Um, am I interrupting some emotional moment?   
Sam - Oh, no, we were just, it, um, I was thanking him, and you and-  
Olivia - Whatever (mumbles) weirdo  
Sam - (to Shayne) She is the most perfect girl I have ever seen.


	5. Chapter 5

Interior  
Courtney's bedroom 

(Courtney is wearing her earrings that match with her silver dress)  
Shayne - So, I was with Sam,  
Courtney - How did it go with Damien? Are they dating now?  
Shayne - Um, I might have miscalculated some things. So, Sam is now in love with Olivia.  
Courtney - Oh, ok, uh  
Shayne - Dude, are you fine?  
Courtney - OF COURSE NOT DUDE! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED THERE? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SET UP DAMIEN AND SAM, INSTEAD YOU DECIDED TO SET UP SAM AND OLIVIA, THE GIRL I AM IN LOVE WITH AND-  
(Olivia overhears the conversation)  
Courtney - Liv, I can expl-  
Olivia - Shayne, where do you keep your air freshener?  
Shayne - I really shouldn't   
Olivia - (angry) SHAYNE, I just took a big shit in your bathroom, so tell me where your goddamn air freshener is before the smell kills someone.  
Shayne - Let me show you.  
(Olivia and Shayne go to his bathroom)

Interior  
Shayne's bathroom

Shayne - It should be somewhere here uh  
Olivia - When were you gonna tell me?  
Shayne - I swear dude, I knew as little as possible about this.  
Olivia- You're lying. Dude, I know that if I say something to Court, I will end up hurting her feelings.  
Shayne - Dude, was that why you were so angry up there?   
Olivia - Yeah. I really didn't know what to say, so I just yelled at you, sorry. But, the thing is, I don't reciprocate Court's feelings at all.   
Shayne - Not at all? Not even a little bit? Not even enough to give her a chance?  
Olivia - Look, I know I am the quirky weirdo or whatever of the group  
Shayne - You heard that?  
Olivia - Listen dude! I know if anyone in the group was bi or a lesbian, people would usually suspect it was me. But, the truth is, I am not. I am straight.  
Shayne - Really? Like 100%?  
Olivia - Yeah. Even I was surprised. But it is just how I am. You, Noah and I are straight, Court, Ian and Keith are queer and Damien is bi. We are all built to love different types of people with some common interests. But all the relationships and the drama that follows them, they just mess up friendships. I would much rather prefer to date a stranger.  
Shayne - Dude, if you overheard our conversation, you must know that my friend Sam, he likes you. Would you maybe wanna go out with him?  
Olivia - Sure. That dude is straight up weird. I like it. Where would he be right now?  
Shayne - Probably on the balcony or something, I saw him go out the patio door.  
Olivia - Ok, (Olivia stands up and leaves) Think about what I said dude. (Pause) Also, the place still smells like shit.  
Shayne - Yeha! You weren't kidding!


	6. Chapter 6

Interior   
Left Balcony

(Olivia goes up to Sam and leans on the railing, right next to Sam)  
Olivia - It is so cold out here, right?  
Sam - Yeah - (Sma turns and sees Olivia) Um, not really cause now you are here (laughs nervously and awkwardly)  
Olivia - You don't have to make stupid attempts at flirtation with me. I heard you talking to Shayne. I know you like me, and now that I have gotten a clearer look at your face, I can say that I like how you look too.  
Sam - Oh, really. (Laughs) Um, I am not good at this.   
Olivia- You aren't. (Laughs) But I kinda dig the whole awkward nerdy vibe you have going on.   
Sam - Um, so, you are, in fact, interested in me? Wow, oh  
Olivia - Are you just going to keep talking about how much you like me, or do you wanna have an actual conversation?  
Sam - YOU ARE SO INTIMIDATING  
Olivia - Really, aw, thanks.

Interior  
Courtney's room

(The next day)   
Olivia - Court! Wake up! We are late for the shoot.  
Courtney - I am up! I AM UP! (Court rushes to take a shower and comes out and sees Olivia)  
Olivia - Dude, you know I love you.  
Court - I know. And I really thought that I really liked you romantically. But you not hav in eng those feelings, that's fine. At least they made me realise that I liked women too.   
Olivia - I am so proud of you. And also, I have always kind of known. Are you labeling yourself yet?  
Courtney - I think I am gonna stay low for a while, you know, wait for the right time. Maybe then I will come out as queer to my closest friends.  
Olivia - Ok Court, whatever suits you. I'll always be there for you. And, are we fine?  
Courtney - Yeah dude.  
(Olivia hugs Courtney from the back)  
Olivia - And I hope it's not too early, but I met this guy who I think is literally my soulmate.  
....


	7. Chapter 7

2 Years Later

Interior   
New Smosh House (Party)

Ian - So guys, let me introduce you to the newest Smosh cast members Tommy Bowe, Jackie Uweh and Kimmy Jiminez  
Jackie - (Jackie greets everyone, and then shakes hands with Keith) Oh hi man, I am Jackie, you must be Keith.  
Keith - Have I seen you before?   
Jackie - Um, Keith Leak Jr.?  
Keith - Oh! Jackie Uweh! You sat behind me in 5th grade.  
Jackie - Oh yeah, I borrowed glue from you once.  
Keith - Yeah, how have you been man?   
Jackie - I am great, you know now I am in Smosh. Never thought I'd see you again. I kinda liked you as a kid.  
Keith - Really? I remember sending you a note on Valentine's Day.  
Jackie - Oh, you were Mike Jack, I thought someone was pranking me. I had those braces and glasses and I was such a nerd.  
Keith - I was kind of a crappy person in elementary school and was dared to prank you because you were the weirdest girl in our class  
Jackie - Um, ok. Too much information dude, did not need to know that.  
Keith - Oh my God! I am so sorry, I didn't mean to say that. If it helps, I really like you now.  
Jackie - Oh, thanks. Um, you look ok-good now too.  
Keith - We should meet up for some coffee sometime later.   
Jackie - Yeah sure.

Interior  
TV Room

(Kimmy accidentally bumps into Damien)  
Damien - Ah! Meet Cute. Now we must date and face all obstacles like jealous exes to be together.   
(Kimmy laughs)  
Kimmy - Damien, Mr. Wrong, I left Mr. Right for you. Now kiss me and let's run away to New Zealand together.  
(Damien laughs and Kimmy smiles at him)  
Damien - We haven't officially met yet, I am Damien.  
Kimmy - Yeah, I know. I am Kimmy.   
Damien - Oh, the new hire! I saw your audition. Well I can assure you, you are gonna love it here. Everyone likes-loves you.  
Kimmy - I like-love you-everyone too.  
(Damien and Kimmy laugh)

Interior   
Kitchen

Shayne - So, Courtney, everyone is dating everyone now apparently. We are the only single ones now.  
Courtney - Yeah, makes me think we should date.  
Shayne - Should we?  
Both - (look at each other) NAH!


End file.
